Ed Hodge's Journal

What if just one day you realise your happy and content with everything? Sure people can be happy but there usually subconcious nags like relationship issues or problems at home but I can honestly say 'I'm free'. I mean there are still primitive things such as concern for loved ones such as friends and family et cetera but now with the end of college, not having any commitments and having a bloody good daily soundtrack I have never felt so good, even with some disconcerting events happening in the past few days which although I'd love to delve into I shall'nt for fear of the people who it concerns reading this draft, I still feel top of my game. I also think that being in an uplifting mood helps you to think more clearly, I have come to realise quite a few faults and advantages although of cause there are many potential pitfalls with this perplexed state such as perhaps when negative or bad things happen they are more devastating also it becomes easier to get frustrated with people around you who don't share this mood/vision because they may get negative or frustrated over things that you find insignificant such as losing money etc. There is also the potential long term effects of this such as losing control by not being bothered to get a job/further your life and thus sinking into a hippy/slacker like state. People may also view you differently and often not take you seriously.

Current Location: Homes
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: The Arcade Fire - Rebellion (lies)

It's Saturday morning 6:32am, I haven't had a second of sleep all night and am trying to type slowly on Val's cousin's computer in their kitchen so I don't wake anyone up. On Thursday I turned up, last minute to be an extra in a Russian Crouton advert which was good fun and I must admit that after receiving my pay and realising it wasn't as potentially awkward I suspected I started to feel such alot happier because it was interesting and I hadn't done something like it in age, I had also met up with Emma, Adam and Aaron for the first time in ages which was also very uplifting and I'm supposed to meet them tonight. I know now that despite my feelings, the person I've had my eye on for a while doesn't love me back I more suspect it rather then know it but I am very certain, sadly this was one of the things I was looking forward to in the coming months so I am rather unsure on my new paths and plans but who know's what will happen? I plan to wait for the front mishap spot on my head to grow back and then I shall probably get a bland, boring haircut.

Wow, first lj entry in quite sometime. Firstly I booked Elle Milano (http://www.myspace.com/ellemilano) for July. By the time I'd opened up this window, brushed my teeth put on my PJ's etc I've actually completely forgotton what I was going to say! I guess it's probably just about how depressed I am recently, I haven't had a severe 'depression panic attack' since I split up with Vicki several months ago but I suddenly had one after a rather dismal Saturday a few weeks ago nothing upsetting happened but ever since I've just been in this pitfall of despondancy it's more of a 'why I am I here? What does the future hold? What am I meant to do with my life?' sort of thing rather then thinking 'Oh My God, we're out of Brown Sauce I hate my life'. I guess I'm just fed up with dancing and catching hoops for the girl I like, when she doesn't show me anything in return, but at the same time because I just live exactly the same day, day in day out I never meet anyone new and there is no one else I can think of at the moment who I would like to strengthen my relationship with. I really just need some motivation today was my second day in bed so I'm going to get grated at school tomorrow, but although it's bad to say it if I get chucked out of my course then at least I won't have to worry about it anymore. I'm buying a new keyboard tomorrow so I'll be able to turn my cynicism into song instead of using this as a virtual physciatrist. Holidays at the end of the week thank god hopefully I'll be able to have a think about stuff then. Over and out.

Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: Joeyfat - Drake Breaks Rank

Ah, first live journal entry for a few years/months! I just wanted to note something down really so don't expect it to be interesting. Last night I remembered this guy called John, he was (maybe still is I don't know), an acquaintance of my younger brother, so yeah he was always intoxicated, On our first and what has so far been our last meeting the topic somehow got onto the future where upon he told me he had applied to study event management at university, now I don't know what my stereotypical view of a event manager was before I met John but he certainly didn't match my imaginary credentials. He revealed that during a 'stoning' session he had seen a documentary on event management on one of the low budget satellite tv channels and he said it had made him laugh so much that he decided that's what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. That's the kind of town this, someone can base their whole life on 15 minutes.

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: Regina Spektor - Mary Ann